In my last article I introduced some findings from the field of neuroscience (the SCARF model) and outlined how they can be applied in a first meeting.
In this piece I’d like to ‘double click’ on the need for status. And we can’t talk about status without talking about power.
We have a strange relationship with the word ‘power’. We often think of it as a negative, strongarm experience. And yet one of the worst human experiences is powerlessness.
No one wants to feel that. It’s desperate and isolating.
Imagine a situation where a retired financial services client is sitting across from you. They cross-examine your logic and reasoning, while peering over their glasses at you. The recommendation you make is one that they don’t want to carry forward.
Your confidence and competence starts to seep away. You feel powerless and at a loss as to what to do next. What’s going on? And what can you do?
In a 1968 speech given to striking sanitation workers in Memphis, Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. I really like this definition because it does not make the nature of power inherently good or bad. What makes power dangerous is how it’s used.
Power over someone else is driven by fear.
And simply recognising that can be extremely helpful. What’s at stake for someone when they’re dominating or controlling? How can we avoid stepping into the power-move dance where one person feels powerful and the other feels the opposite?
Let’s take a closer look at these four types of power to find an answer…
Power over
Power over is how power is most commonly understood. This type of power is built on force, coercion, domination and control. It’s built on a belief that power is a finite resource: some people have power and some people do not.
Power with
Power with is shared power that grows out of collaboration and relationships. It’s built on respect, mutual support, shared power, solidarity, influence, empowerment and collaborative decision making. This is the kind of power we want to be working with.
Power to
This is the power to make a difference, to create something new, or to achieve goals.
It’s built on the belief that each person has the unique potential to shape his or her life and world. Hopefully in the client-adviser relationship the shared power then enables the client to achieve their goals.
Power within
Power within is related to a person’s sense of self-worth and self-knowledge; it includes an ability to recognise individual differences while respecting others. Power within allows people to recognise their ‘power to’ and ‘power with’, and believe they can make a difference.
Impactful financial advisers and planners share power with their clients, empowering them to make informed decisions. If power is the ability to achieve purpose and effect change how does this knowledge help us in a meeting where power plays are the order of the day?
Remember, the client is the expert on themselves and their situation – but both of you have financial expertise. So if you’ve suggested something that isn’t aligned with what they care about, perhaps they’re seeing things that you’re not. Perhaps they haven’t properly filled you in on their circumstances. And it’s this gap that makes the recommendation unsuitable. There’s some withholding that’s affecting the balance of power and your ability to advise.
You might want to ask at some stage (hopefully at the start of the relationship) “Given your experience in this field, I’m curious what’s led you to work with an adviser?” You’re then getting their perspective on where they see the value lie.
To ensure you’re both on the same page, you might want to step back and ask what’s the bigger purpose? What are we trying to achieve together?
Know that your self-worth is not on the line. Some more than others can struggle with a sense of self-worth and rely on external accolades and achievements to build up their inner power. But building self-knowledge and power within is an inside job.
If you’re proud of the work and recommendations you’re making based on the information you have, can you let that be enough? If you know that you’re doing your best to share power in order to empower your client to reach their goals and support their purpose, then this should help to prevent your confidence and competence seep away.
And when you know that your self-worth isn’t on the line, it frees you up to ask questions you might think you should know the answer to; it emboldens you to take the conversation in a new direction – and your new behaviour may just well equalise any power imbalances.
Afterall as Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
